Male
Vs. Female Brain
“My
brain is the most beautiful part of my body.” — Shakira
One of
the amazing things about our brain is the left and right sides of our brain
function quite differently.
THE
LEFT (MALE) BRAIN
The
left side of our brain is very mechanistic, it is very task-oriented, very
strategic, very mathematical, linear.
This
is what is referred to as the “male” brain.
Of
course I’m NOT saying that women can’t be strategic and mathematical and
linear, but these attributes tend to be more male in nature.
The
left brain is where a neurotransmitter called dopamine lives.
(Think
of a neurotransmitter as a hormone in the brain).
Dopamine
is where your motivation comes from.
Remember
that feeling when you checked off that item on your to do list? Or when someone
likes your post on Instagram?
That’s
dopamine in action.
In
other words, when you engage in behaviour that raises your dopamine levels, you
are more likely to engage in that activity again to get the same dopamine hit,
and rush of good feelings in the brain.
When
you have high motivation, you can stay engaged, passionate, and motivated to
complete tasks.
What’s
cool about Dopamine, is YOU can raise YOUR own levels of Dopamine.
THE
RIGHT (FEMALE) BRAIN
When
we move into the right brain, things get a little bit more interesting.
The
right brain is more sensual.
It’s
more creative. It’s emotional. It’s passion.
This
tends to be more of what we call the “female” brain, and again, men can be
sensual and passionate, but these are more feminine traits.
This
is where serotonin lives, our happy hormone.
Serotonin
is a right brain neurotransmitter, and the difference here and the key:
You
can NOT raise your own levels of serotonin.
Serotonin
is raised EXTERNALLY.
So,
the more positive feedback we get from our external environment through praise
and appreciation, the more motivated we are to continue engaging in the
activity that produced the praise.
Your
partner, in the context of your relationship, raises YOUR levels of serotonin.
So you
receive positive feedback from your partner, that elevates your levels of
serotonin, and in turn, that will raise your levels of dopamine.
NOW
HERE’S THE MIND-BLOWING PART…
Even
though females tend to be more right-brained in nature, men have 50% MORE serotonin receptors than women do.
50%
more!
So
what does that mean in the context of relationships?
Women
need twice as much:
love and affection
positive reinforcement from our
external environment
Women
need more encouragement along the way to elicit the same neurochemical cascade.
If she
doesn’t get the positive reinforcement from her environment, her serotonin
levels will drop, and eventually so will her dopamine.
The
Serotonin-Dopamine Dance
“Every
time my TweetDeck shoots a new tweet to my desktop, I experience a little
dopamine spritz that takes me away from… from… wait, what was I saying?” — Bill Keller
As I
mentioned before, when serotonin levels go up, it will drive higher levels of
dopamine.
A
Positive Example of the Serotonin and Dopamine Dance:
I
receive a lot of positive feedback (serotonin) from my clinical practice
because patients constantly tell me what a difference I have made in their
lives.
I have
athletes able to reach new PRs, dads are able to play with their kids again,
women saying their headaches are gone and they’ve never been this energetic and
happy.
I
often say to myself, I can’t wait until tomorrow when I can do this all over
again!
In
neurotransmitter land, what is really happening in this positive feedback loop
is I get a serotonergic boost from my external environment, which drives up my
motivation (dopamine).
This
makes me engaged to continue to be a better doctor and to continue to serve.
In
other words, when your serotonin is up, it drives your dopamine levels up, too.
This
is neuro utopia because my efforts and the outcome are aligned.
A
Negative Example of the Serotonin — Dopamine Dance:
A
woman wants to show her male partner how much she loves and cares for him. She
spends the day looking up recipes and cooking his favourite meal, the house
gets cleaned, the works. She gets her hair did, nails did, everything did, she
is perfumed up and ready to go.
Her
partner comes home and is in a bad mood, or tired. He doesn’t want to engage with
her and just wants to sit down in front of TV to relax.
What
would happen to her serotonin (happiness) and consequently her dopamine
(motivator)?
Simply,
this would be neurochemically devastating because she is expecting an outcome
that matches her efforts.
When
she does not receive the feedback she is expecting, it will lower her
motivation to do so next time.
The
lowered serotonin leads to a decrease in dopamine.
And
what does this do to her motivation (dopamine) the next time it happens? The
tenth time? The hundredth time?
LET’S
TALK ABOUT SEX, BABY.
Sex is
emotion in motion. — Mae West
This
is where it gets a little fun.
The
reason why I tell you all this is you can’t really have a talk about an epic,
legendary relationship without talking about sex, right?
So you
can see here what happens when somebody’s engaging in regular sexual activity.
Brain
not having regular sex
Brain
having regular sex
The
top graphic is a brain without regular sexual activity.
The
bottom photo you can see lights up like a Christmas tree — aka
regular sexual activity.
This
is both the left and right side, so creativity and strategy and linearity and
all these things light up, and you’re able to have more energy, more
productivity, more everything when you are having a regular sex life.
So…what
is a regular sex life?
So in
the context of males and females, who needs the sex more?
(And
don’t say the men!!)
It is
the women!
Women
REQUIRE positive feedback from our partner in order to increase those
serotonergic pathways in the brain, and therefore increase our dopamine levels.
And
isn’t sex the most raw, the most intimate way that we can communicate and
connect with our partners?
This
is where intimacy happens, connection, trust, and bonding.
So I
completely reject the idea that men only want sex and women prefer chocolate.
It is
complete horsesh*t.
If a
woman feels nourished and loved and cared for and honored, she is going to
chase that sex like the animal that she is because she wants to get that
serotonergic burst in her brain, and she’s going to be motivated to be the best
partner.
Bringing
Venus and Mars closer together
The
manlier you are, the harder it is to understand what a female wants — Criss Jami
Now I
know that may be difficult for some to digest, but recognizing health is an
active process, and for the female, her health a direct reflection of her
relationship with her partner.
A
woman needs to feel loved, honoured, cherished and safe.
And
let’s not forget the men. Our men also need to feel appreciated and respected.
Men
cannot grow a child or breastfeed, but they sure as hell want to help you out,
ladies!
Thank
them for taking out the trash, or fixing your computer, or for just being a
great human who figures stuff out for you.
This
will also drive up his serotonin and dopamine pathways so he too will be more
motivated to be the best partner he can for you.
Show
them some respect and love for their unique geneius and what they are good at.
In a
relationship, failing to recognize and show respect to your man, will result in
him pulling away from you. He is not feeling respected for his work, or
contribution.
When
you notice your man pulling away, as a woman, you will begin to feel less
encouraged, less loved, less motivated, and you will also start to fall away
too.
And
herein lies the vicious cycle.
A
neurological explanation for the 70% divorce rate in our country, and probably
the source of most conflicts in your life.
Going
Forward
Turn
your wounds into wisdom — Oprah Winfrey
Whether
you are dating, in a relationship for a minute or a decade, remember the
serotonin — dopamine
relationship, and the differences between men and women.
The
women around you — be it
your partner or your co-worker require more positive reinforcement than the men
around you do.
The
men around you, while they may be not need as much positive reinforcement,
still require appreciation so that they will continue to be motivated to serve you
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